Turning Love Advice Into Life Advice

I recently found a UK September issue of Elle lying around. The front cover entices with "GENIUS LOVE ADVICE WE'RE ASHAMED TO GIVE (BUT IT WORKS!)." The article in question is titled, "Passivity: It Works."

Instantly enraged, I read through the piece to find that it's not really about passivity so much as positivity. What I deem as positivity, anyway. 

The author, Alice Wignall's premise is "do nothing." She believes that we are so wired to take action whenever something goes wrong--in relationships, and life--and doing nothing "means recognizing situations where your input isn't needed, where it might actually be unhelpful. In relationships, it means not engaging in someone else's psychodrama, nor giving oxygen to your own." 

Two love scenarios are discusses. The first is regarding Laura Munson, who you may have heard about since her own act of romantic passivity has landed her a book, a slew of interviews, and acknowledgement from Oprah.  When Munson's husband declared he no longer loved her and was planning to leave, her reaction was unconventional. According to Wignall's article, she pretty much said, "I don't believe it, and I'm not going to discuss it."

Apparently, six months later everyone was living happily ever after. 

Munson is quoted saying, "We live in such a reactionary society that we think, in order to be powerful, we need to fight. That's a shame." 

To Wignall, Munson's way of reacting--or not reacting--equals passivity and, doing nothing. Wignall reveals her own love struggles in the piece and thanks this same brand of inaction as the key to her success. After a year of dating, the author tells us her love interest decided they may not be right for each other in the long term. Like Munson, Wignall kind of ignored the issue. Time moved forward and voilà, all uncertainty dissolved. 

And with these two romantic successes we are told, "there is power in passivity." 

Let us stop and think about this for a minute. Is this really being passive? Or is this employing a technique--a way of living life fearlessly--we have already discussed?

A few months ago, I wrote about the importance of not focusing on undesirable outcomes, stating: "the more something is focused on, the higher the likelihood that it will manifest" (read more here).

To me, this unique approach to love is really about taking one of the basic principles of positivity and applying it to relationships. Even the author agrees that this approach "works in other places, too." Because Munson and Wignall refused to focus on undesirable outcomes (they were fearless), the unwanted never occurred.

How fascinating that so many things are universally applicable! 

In short: what you may believe is taking action, is not always the right kind of action.  I'm not contradicting myself here.  What I wrote earlier is still true; action is paramount. But, inaction, if done purposefully, can be wise.

And just for fun, I'll leave you with one of my faves from "Passivity: It Works"

"Instinctively, I want to say no. I want to believe in the modern model of empowered womanhood -- a hybrid of Destiny's Child songs, Tyra Banks attitude and Sex and the City -- which tell us we're worth it, that we can do anything if we put our minds to it, that we should be worshipped all the livelong day and anything less than that is simply unacceptable."

Sunday Quoteday.

Every Sunday, I've decided, will be quote day. Please feel free to share some of your favorite words of wisdom with me as well!

"One way to slow down and begin to change our perspective is to begin to measure our lives by each breath we take, rather than by each day, month, or year ... It won't make a better your or a worse you. But it will reveal you." 

-Angel Kyode Williams, quoted in The Sun's Sunbeams.

When you don't know what to say . . .

"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."                                  

          ~Eleanor Roosevelt.

Put Your Actions Where Your Thoughts Are

There is one essential part of the equation which has not yet been discussed. Action. Being positive is great. Feeling good, being fearless, hot and sexy is all fabulous. But, these wonderful things are not the end result which we seek (not I, anyway).

The whole point of feeling positive, happy, and fiercely sexy is that it should inspire one to action.  When you are fearless and feel good is when goals can be achieved, dreams realized, and life--the good, real kind of life--can be lived.

So, be a smiling Aurora, but do something with all of that positive energy and spur into action!

Inspiration, and life's simple truths come from all around. In this month's issue of Elle, my favorite E. Jean, in honor of the magazine's 25th anniversary, gives readers a list of twenty five things every woman should know.  I missed her usual advice column, but the list is a gold mine of wisdom--and humor.  My favorite: every woman should know how to change a tire, her hair color, and a man.

For you gentlemen out there, do not despair. E. Jean's list is universal. "Always choose action over words," she writes. She's right: action is paramount.

And if you have forgotten why you are reading this amazing blog, listen to the experts. Number eight on the list reads:

"Don't read blogs written by unhappy, spiteful people. Bad blogs will mangle your mood."

Let me translate. Do not read crappy, negative blogs. Read my blog.

Find out what else is on E. Jean's list here.

Focus. . . Your breathing

Oh, my dear Blog Positive, how I have missed you. My computer has beckoned me day after day to come to you, but time would not permit.

Good things have happened: things which prove the importance of being positive, but also the importance of action steps. One cannot wish and hope for anything without simultaneously taking action. Stay tuned to hear more about this . . . next post, I promise.

Right now, I want to discuss the importance of breathing. Not normal, breathe in and out, do-it-just-to-stay-alive breathing, but deep, belly, yoga breaths.  This kind of breathing is calming, cleansing, heart rate lowering, relaxing, energizing and essential.

It's the sort of thing everyone reads about and instantly dismisses because they know it already. Studies have been done and published, I'm sure of it. Articles have been written.  Magazines have put side bars devoted to it.  It seems so simple, and yes, sometimes it's just a little too much work.

Yet, when I make myself, or when necessity leaves me no other option, the results are phenomenal. I urge you to try it. If you haven't been blessed with an amazing yoga teacher, here is how to do it:

• Start by breathing in deeply through your nose, filling your belly -- not lungs -- with as much air as possible. 
• Feel your stomach expand, and when it is completely full, hold for a few seconds
• Start to exhale S-L-O-W-L-Y through your nose. Feel and hear the air pass through your throat.      
• The full exhale should last a minimum of ten seconds -- but fifteen or more is optimal. Count in your head as you breathe out. Your stomach should contract. Try to focus on squeezing all of the air out of it, and bringing your belly button in towards your spine.
• After one breath, you should instantly feel calmer.  Do a few at a time whenever needed. 

Try it in times of stress --while driving or working-- on a bad hair day, when feeling grumpy, hungry, moody, unhappy, tired.

It works wonders when falling asleep seems impossible.

When about to engage in something not conducive to Megan Fox hotness, a few deep breaths will instantly bring the truly important into focus (Megan Fox hotness, and not cookies).