Turning Love Advice Into Life Advice

I recently found a UK September issue of Elle lying around. The front cover entices with "GENIUS LOVE ADVICE WE'RE ASHAMED TO GIVE (BUT IT WORKS!)." The article in question is titled, "Passivity: It Works."

Instantly enraged, I read through the piece to find that it's not really about passivity so much as positivity. What I deem as positivity, anyway. 

The author, Alice Wignall's premise is "do nothing." She believes that we are so wired to take action whenever something goes wrong--in relationships, and life--and doing nothing "means recognizing situations where your input isn't needed, where it might actually be unhelpful. In relationships, it means not engaging in someone else's psychodrama, nor giving oxygen to your own." 

Two love scenarios are discusses. The first is regarding Laura Munson, who you may have heard about since her own act of romantic passivity has landed her a book, a slew of interviews, and acknowledgement from Oprah.  When Munson's husband declared he no longer loved her and was planning to leave, her reaction was unconventional. According to Wignall's article, she pretty much said, "I don't believe it, and I'm not going to discuss it."

Apparently, six months later everyone was living happily ever after. 

Munson is quoted saying, "We live in such a reactionary society that we think, in order to be powerful, we need to fight. That's a shame." 

To Wignall, Munson's way of reacting--or not reacting--equals passivity and, doing nothing. Wignall reveals her own love struggles in the piece and thanks this same brand of inaction as the key to her success. After a year of dating, the author tells us her love interest decided they may not be right for each other in the long term. Like Munson, Wignall kind of ignored the issue. Time moved forward and voilà, all uncertainty dissolved. 

And with these two romantic successes we are told, "there is power in passivity." 

Let us stop and think about this for a minute. Is this really being passive? Or is this employing a technique--a way of living life fearlessly--we have already discussed?

A few months ago, I wrote about the importance of not focusing on undesirable outcomes, stating: "the more something is focused on, the higher the likelihood that it will manifest" (read more here).

To me, this unique approach to love is really about taking one of the basic principles of positivity and applying it to relationships. Even the author agrees that this approach "works in other places, too." Because Munson and Wignall refused to focus on undesirable outcomes (they were fearless), the unwanted never occurred.

How fascinating that so many things are universally applicable! 

In short: what you may believe is taking action, is not always the right kind of action.  I'm not contradicting myself here.  What I wrote earlier is still true; action is paramount. But, inaction, if done purposefully, can be wise.

And just for fun, I'll leave you with one of my faves from "Passivity: It Works"

"Instinctively, I want to say no. I want to believe in the modern model of empowered womanhood -- a hybrid of Destiny's Child songs, Tyra Banks attitude and Sex and the City -- which tell us we're worth it, that we can do anything if we put our minds to it, that we should be worshipped all the livelong day and anything less than that is simply unacceptable."